Ian WhiteThe Best 5 Halloween Costume Ideas Guaranteed to make you Cool
October 29th 2009 21:39
Hello blogosphere. I decided to break out of my hermit like writing existence to bring you the obligatory Halloween special. In this case, I’ve gone for functional and funny by giving you all some ideas that will allow you to blow away people this trick or treating season. You could be the life of the party! Guys you could get laid by a slutty cop, or a slutty nurse, or you know 99 percent of the female demographic on Halloween. At least just get some laughs. Man, I wish I had this resource available when I still cared enough to spend my parents money on some clever, over priced costume that I’d only wear once. Thinking of something genius can be downright difficult. After all there are so many other things to occupy your thought process this time of year. Like how to bang that girl, which party will have the most free booze? Where will I least likely get robbed? The last thing you want to do is agonize over how to look brilliant without going over people’s heads. And you wouldn’t be caught dead in something as cliché as a ghost or as lame as an emo vampire only attractive to 12 year old goths. Well fear not, because I am your best resource (if you don’t feel like looking) for the perfect costume to wear out for that special day of devil worship and anonymous hookups. I’m not presumptive enough to only give you one because if you’re like me, you need options. So I’ve come to deliver the 5 best costume ideas that I’ve come across since I started searching 3 hours ago.
5) Balloon Boy- Do you have one of those annoying friends/girlfriends who get waaaay too pumped about Halloween? Are they insisting on some elaborate costume idea that requires you both to match? Do you really just wanna stay home and watch the game, or go to a party that’s actually cool? Well you can’t go wrong with Balloon boy.
Execution: Have the person bothering you don a large silver balloon costume, and then say you’re going to hide out and pop in later for the big reveal. You can use this opportunity to go wherever you want. The best part is, they can’t give you crap about it, because you were just staying in character.
Pro’s: Funny, even if they’re smart enough to deduce the ramifications. Plus a bonus of hilarity if everybody else catches on but them. You can also get rid of somebody annoying for the night!
Con’s: Getting dumped if its your girlfriend, or not getting any if she doesn’t find it amusing.
4) Joe Biden- Everyone and their grandparents are doing the Sara Palin or Barack Obama costume. Now you can separate yourself from the pack by being our beloved Vice President. This costume makes you look witty and in the know since you’ll likely be the only person wearing it.
Execution: You can get a Biden mask, if you wish, or if you’ve got the complexion, don the grey slicked back hair. Make sure you’ve got a decent suit to wear as well, because Joey the Shark doesn’t dress like a bum. The tricky part will be crafting a foot into your mouth. It would work better if you managed to find a mask, then you just need a fake foot to insert. Without the mask you’ll have a problem talking which takes away part of the fun. As Joe Biden, you’ll be encouraged to talk without any regard to the ramifications. Think that girl has noticeable camel toe? Say it loud. Is your buddy cheating on his girlfriend? Share with the class. Honesty is after all, always rewarded.
Pro’s: Clever, unique, and lends itself to endless scenarios of hilarity.
Con’s: You’ll probably get into a fight if you have any extended conversation with a human being. You also can’t drink because Joe doesn’t get down like that.
3) Michael Jackson- Too soon? Not on Halloween! Show your support for the king of pop with this costume guaranteed to make you the center of attention. Whether its because they love you or you’re being asked to leave is dependent on how lame of a party you’re at.
Execution: This requires a group effort. First you’ll need standard Jackson attire: Hat, gloves, hair, etc. Next you’ll need two fairly strong guys to carry you on the stretcher you’ll be bringing along. Finally you’ll need a black guy to play Dr. Conrad Murray. He’ll be well dressed and menacingly hovering above you with a generic bottle of pills. The effect will guarantee that you’ll turn heads. Hopefully they’ll be pointed to the ceiling in bellowing laughter!
Pro’s: HILARIOUS! You will be forgiven for the requisite work put into this for the joy it will bring to people. This will blow up the Twitter-verse and have you waking up to double digit notifications on Facebook.
Con’s: Apart from needing friends, free time, and capitol, you just may run into some people that don’t get the joke and you never know with those Michael Jackson fans. They could do anything from softly reprimanding you to shooting you in the face. So be careful. Speaking of shooting…
2) Plaxico Burress- We can’t forget about the once promising wide receiver, slated to go behind bars for shooting himself in the leg ala Cheddar Bob, while in a nightclub. Now you can recreate the comedy that gave those anti 2nd amendment folks ammo for weeks. (No pun intended)
Execution: Purchase a Plaxico Burress jersey and wear it. Football face paint is optional. Next you’ll need corn syrup to act as blood. You’ll put in on your pants leg. The only thing you need to do now is limp around while holding a fake pistol and presto! You’re now a moronic professional athlete.
Pro’s: Its funny, fairly easy to put together, and is perfect for any still bitter New York Giant’s fans you may know.
Con’s: If the aforementioned bitter New York Giants fans don’t have a sense of humor, you may be in a tough spot, in the event that they’re gun-ho on defending their teams honor with violence. (Pun intended)
NUMBER 1!
This was by far my favorite. If you watched cartoons in the early 90’s then this will be a nuclear blast from the past. This character grew a bit of a cult like following for his appearance on the once popular show Freakazoid. That’s right I’m talking about the one and only: Candlejack!
Execution: The first thi…..
5) Balloon Boy- Do you have one of those annoying friends/girlfriends who get waaaay too pumped about Halloween? Are they insisting on some elaborate costume idea that requires you both to match? Do you really just wanna stay home and watch the game, or go to a party that’s actually cool? Well you can’t go wrong with Balloon boy.
Execution: Have the person bothering you don a large silver balloon costume, and then say you’re going to hide out and pop in later for the big reveal. You can use this opportunity to go wherever you want. The best part is, they can’t give you crap about it, because you were just staying in character.
Pro’s: Funny, even if they’re smart enough to deduce the ramifications. Plus a bonus of hilarity if everybody else catches on but them. You can also get rid of somebody annoying for the night!
Con’s: Getting dumped if its your girlfriend, or not getting any if she doesn’t find it amusing.
4) Joe Biden- Everyone and their grandparents are doing the Sara Palin or Barack Obama costume. Now you can separate yourself from the pack by being our beloved Vice President. This costume makes you look witty and in the know since you’ll likely be the only person wearing it.
Execution: You can get a Biden mask, if you wish, or if you’ve got the complexion, don the grey slicked back hair. Make sure you’ve got a decent suit to wear as well, because Joey the Shark doesn’t dress like a bum. The tricky part will be crafting a foot into your mouth. It would work better if you managed to find a mask, then you just need a fake foot to insert. Without the mask you’ll have a problem talking which takes away part of the fun. As Joe Biden, you’ll be encouraged to talk without any regard to the ramifications. Think that girl has noticeable camel toe? Say it loud. Is your buddy cheating on his girlfriend? Share with the class. Honesty is after all, always rewarded.
Pro’s: Clever, unique, and lends itself to endless scenarios of hilarity.
Con’s: You’ll probably get into a fight if you have any extended conversation with a human being. You also can’t drink because Joe doesn’t get down like that.
3) Michael Jackson- Too soon? Not on Halloween! Show your support for the king of pop with this costume guaranteed to make you the center of attention. Whether its because they love you or you’re being asked to leave is dependent on how lame of a party you’re at.
Execution: This requires a group effort. First you’ll need standard Jackson attire: Hat, gloves, hair, etc. Next you’ll need two fairly strong guys to carry you on the stretcher you’ll be bringing along. Finally you’ll need a black guy to play Dr. Conrad Murray. He’ll be well dressed and menacingly hovering above you with a generic bottle of pills. The effect will guarantee that you’ll turn heads. Hopefully they’ll be pointed to the ceiling in bellowing laughter!
Pro’s: HILARIOUS! You will be forgiven for the requisite work put into this for the joy it will bring to people. This will blow up the Twitter-verse and have you waking up to double digit notifications on Facebook.
Con’s: Apart from needing friends, free time, and capitol, you just may run into some people that don’t get the joke and you never know with those Michael Jackson fans. They could do anything from softly reprimanding you to shooting you in the face. So be careful. Speaking of shooting…
2) Plaxico Burress- We can’t forget about the once promising wide receiver, slated to go behind bars for shooting himself in the leg ala Cheddar Bob, while in a nightclub. Now you can recreate the comedy that gave those anti 2nd amendment folks ammo for weeks. (No pun intended)
Execution: Purchase a Plaxico Burress jersey and wear it. Football face paint is optional. Next you’ll need corn syrup to act as blood. You’ll put in on your pants leg. The only thing you need to do now is limp around while holding a fake pistol and presto! You’re now a moronic professional athlete.
Pro’s: Its funny, fairly easy to put together, and is perfect for any still bitter New York Giant’s fans you may know.
Con’s: If the aforementioned bitter New York Giants fans don’t have a sense of humor, you may be in a tough spot, in the event that they’re gun-ho on defending their teams honor with violence. (Pun intended)
NUMBER 1!
This was by far my favorite. If you watched cartoons in the early 90’s then this will be a nuclear blast from the past. This character grew a bit of a cult like following for his appearance on the once popular show Freakazoid. That’s right I’m talking about the one and only: Candlejack!
Execution: The first thi…..
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