Ian WhiteHow to be what Women want Part II: The key
April 8th 2008 23:19
Sorry about the delay but the combination of a job and trying to build a music career left me without blog time. Sorry to keep anybody waiting. Now on to the topic:
After extensive research and through real life experience, I have found the one quality that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN looks for in a man. Without this trait you will not only fail to attract women, but you will fail at other aspects of your life. It is that important, and I cannot stress this enough. There is no point in taking dating advice without getting this down because no line in the world can get you success without it. In fact, let me get this out the way. THERE IS NO MAGIC LINE. Pickup lines do not work...Ever. If you use a pickup line, it had better be in an obvious joking manner. The only line that can get a woman to sleep with a guy is "Hi, I'm Brad Pitt." So any beliefs that there is some magic line to bag women must be deleted from your memory banks. They don't exist. If you aren't a superstar, or a natural, you must learn the skills. And even famous people can't pull every girl. So now that I've sufficiently hyped this up, here is the key element in everything I am telling you:
Confidence
Anti-climatic? Obvious? You bet. Unappreciated? Also correct. Confidence will get you EVERYWHERE. If you say something with enough confidence and belief, you can get away with almost anything. You must have confidence. Every woman I have ever heard describe her ideal man listed confident. Now, some people may not believe that this is their style. Wrong. Anybody can be confident, and if you are having trouble with it, I've got some required reading for you. But first, let's break it down.
Confidence:
I define confidence as a powerful belief in the competence of your abilities and a positive belief in yourself. Confidence is a great thing. Anybody who tells you not to be confident is lying to you and don't wish you success. This trait should not be confused with Arrogance. Arrogance stems from insecurity in yourself which causes people to put others down to big themselves up. When you're confident, you walk tall (literally), you feel that you can do anything, and you never allow negative thoughts to slow you down.
The Belief:
I am a great guy. I deserve nothing but the best. I will not be deterred by rejection, for it means nothing. I know I am a great catch and will move on to find someone who will appreciate me. I am unflappable. I do not need to overreact or lose my composure in any situation. I do not take anything too seriously and keep light hearted and carefree. I will not be jealous or needy, but independent and aloof because I have a fun and busy life style. I am a challenge, women will have to show me that they have more going for them than just their looks to get involved with me. I lead, never follow. I see what I want and go get it.
Master and become the above. It is essential. Now if you look at that, you can now figure out what went wrong in past encounters and/or relationships with women. Say you were in a relationship and it was going great. Then all of a sudden she starts getting colder, more moody maybe, then to your shock, she dumps you. What happened? It can probably be traced back to confidence. See the problem is guys end up chasing women away. And you chase women away by chasing women. Sound weird? Hey, it may not be logical, but it's the truth. Humans do not want what is too readily available. It's exactly like cats. You dangle a string in front of a cat and it'll go crazy trying to get it. But when you put it in front of the cat, it loses interest and walks away. It is the same with women. If you heavily pursue a woman and present no challenge, she won't want you. That is boring and makes you just like every other dork shouting cat calls at her or nervously shuffling up to the bar to tell her how hot she is. Stop it. Being in a relationship doesn't give you a pass to fall apart. Do not start calling her 50 times a day, giving compliments every sentence. It looks desperate and it gets annoying. Be cool, please. It is not work and you can't blame women for losing interest. Some guys will argue that being extra nice, buying gifts, compliments, are the right thing to do. Well sorry to burst your bubble, but that kind of stuff is nothing but poor manipulation. You would not normally do these things, you are attempting to get something out of it, and women will sense this, feel offended, and not respect you. That's not to say you can't buy gifts, give compliments, etc, during relationships. But do them on your own terms, not expecting anything out of it. Also do not allow a girl to boss you around. Say no sometime, it's okay. Don't let it always be "Where do you want to go?" "What should we do?" that is boy behavior, women want men. This crap flies with your mom, not a women you're trying to pursue. Instead you need more "We're going to this place tonight at 8 o'clock, wear that dress I like." Simple really, and you're not being a jerk. Women love assertiveness. Go with it.
How to appear confident:
Stick your chest out, put your shoulders back, keep your head forward and do not look down, do not swing your arms too much, walk at a slightly brisk but casual pace (not too slow or fast), take up as much space as possible when sitting. This doesn't mean lay down, but keep your legs wider and always lean back. Make slower gestures and eliminate any and all nervous ticks. When speaking, talk from the diaphragm so you get more base. Do not speak too quickly as if you have nothing important to say and must get your words out before your audience runs away or falls asleep. And learn to use the pause when speaking. I highly recommend watching movies of confident guys to mimic. They are a great example of what confident men look like. My suggestion for films:
Top Gun (Tom Cruise)
James Bond films (Sean Connory, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig)
Other films: Street Car named Desire, Roger Dodger, Gone with the Wind, pretty much any Brad Pitt film.
Watch the bad boys in movies, it'll be much easier.
If you have trouble with the mindsets then I highly recommend the following reading:
Anthony Robbins-Unlimited Power
Steve Bavister & Amanda Vickers-Teach Yourself NLP
Rhonda Byrne-The Secret
Good luck and stay tuned.
After extensive research and through real life experience, I have found the one quality that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN looks for in a man. Without this trait you will not only fail to attract women, but you will fail at other aspects of your life. It is that important, and I cannot stress this enough. There is no point in taking dating advice without getting this down because no line in the world can get you success without it. In fact, let me get this out the way. THERE IS NO MAGIC LINE. Pickup lines do not work...Ever. If you use a pickup line, it had better be in an obvious joking manner. The only line that can get a woman to sleep with a guy is "Hi, I'm Brad Pitt." So any beliefs that there is some magic line to bag women must be deleted from your memory banks. They don't exist. If you aren't a superstar, or a natural, you must learn the skills. And even famous people can't pull every girl. So now that I've sufficiently hyped this up, here is the key element in everything I am telling you:
Confidence
Anti-climatic? Obvious? You bet. Unappreciated? Also correct. Confidence will get you EVERYWHERE. If you say something with enough confidence and belief, you can get away with almost anything. You must have confidence. Every woman I have ever heard describe her ideal man listed confident. Now, some people may not believe that this is their style. Wrong. Anybody can be confident, and if you are having trouble with it, I've got some required reading for you. But first, let's break it down.
Confidence:
I define confidence as a powerful belief in the competence of your abilities and a positive belief in yourself. Confidence is a great thing. Anybody who tells you not to be confident is lying to you and don't wish you success. This trait should not be confused with Arrogance. Arrogance stems from insecurity in yourself which causes people to put others down to big themselves up. When you're confident, you walk tall (literally), you feel that you can do anything, and you never allow negative thoughts to slow you down.
The Belief:
I am a great guy. I deserve nothing but the best. I will not be deterred by rejection, for it means nothing. I know I am a great catch and will move on to find someone who will appreciate me. I am unflappable. I do not need to overreact or lose my composure in any situation. I do not take anything too seriously and keep light hearted and carefree. I will not be jealous or needy, but independent and aloof because I have a fun and busy life style. I am a challenge, women will have to show me that they have more going for them than just their looks to get involved with me. I lead, never follow. I see what I want and go get it.
Master and become the above. It is essential. Now if you look at that, you can now figure out what went wrong in past encounters and/or relationships with women. Say you were in a relationship and it was going great. Then all of a sudden she starts getting colder, more moody maybe, then to your shock, she dumps you. What happened? It can probably be traced back to confidence. See the problem is guys end up chasing women away. And you chase women away by chasing women. Sound weird? Hey, it may not be logical, but it's the truth. Humans do not want what is too readily available. It's exactly like cats. You dangle a string in front of a cat and it'll go crazy trying to get it. But when you put it in front of the cat, it loses interest and walks away. It is the same with women. If you heavily pursue a woman and present no challenge, she won't want you. That is boring and makes you just like every other dork shouting cat calls at her or nervously shuffling up to the bar to tell her how hot she is. Stop it. Being in a relationship doesn't give you a pass to fall apart. Do not start calling her 50 times a day, giving compliments every sentence. It looks desperate and it gets annoying. Be cool, please. It is not work and you can't blame women for losing interest. Some guys will argue that being extra nice, buying gifts, compliments, are the right thing to do. Well sorry to burst your bubble, but that kind of stuff is nothing but poor manipulation. You would not normally do these things, you are attempting to get something out of it, and women will sense this, feel offended, and not respect you. That's not to say you can't buy gifts, give compliments, etc, during relationships. But do them on your own terms, not expecting anything out of it. Also do not allow a girl to boss you around. Say no sometime, it's okay. Don't let it always be "Where do you want to go?" "What should we do?" that is boy behavior, women want men. This crap flies with your mom, not a women you're trying to pursue. Instead you need more "We're going to this place tonight at 8 o'clock, wear that dress I like." Simple really, and you're not being a jerk. Women love assertiveness. Go with it.
How to appear confident:
Stick your chest out, put your shoulders back, keep your head forward and do not look down, do not swing your arms too much, walk at a slightly brisk but casual pace (not too slow or fast), take up as much space as possible when sitting. This doesn't mean lay down, but keep your legs wider and always lean back. Make slower gestures and eliminate any and all nervous ticks. When speaking, talk from the diaphragm so you get more base. Do not speak too quickly as if you have nothing important to say and must get your words out before your audience runs away or falls asleep. And learn to use the pause when speaking. I highly recommend watching movies of confident guys to mimic. They are a great example of what confident men look like. My suggestion for films:
Top Gun (Tom Cruise)
James Bond films (Sean Connory, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig)
Other films: Street Car named Desire, Roger Dodger, Gone with the Wind, pretty much any Brad Pitt film.
Watch the bad boys in movies, it'll be much easier.
If you have trouble with the mindsets then I highly recommend the following reading:
Anthony Robbins-Unlimited Power
Steve Bavister & Amanda Vickers-Teach Yourself NLP
Rhonda Byrne-The Secret
Good luck and stay tuned.
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